Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Psalm 139 – Search Me. Know Me.

This post is special, personally speaking, as it was the catalyst for a song. The lyrics are at the end of this blog. My Worship Pastor, Barry Garrett, masterfully arranged the music and recorded the demo you will find to the right of the post. I hope the song touches you and is somehow a vehicle of connection and communion for you to meet with our Savior in an intimate way.

A special thank you to Barry. I love you bro. TM

Psalm 139 - Search Me. Know Me.

I’ve been reading and revisiting Psalms 139 of late. It is interesting to me that this particular psalm is a Davidic Psalm “for the Choir director.” Could we insert the term “worshipers” for the sake of application? I have been seeking personal revelation again about what is authentic Praise and Worship. The Holy Spirit has me in that place of searching for the REALITY of Him and what it means to be real with Him and with others in the context of the assembly in worship.

I’m not always sure what that looks like, but for me I default to the old song “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” The words “…and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace” serve as a great reminder to focus on Him. However, I still desire to connect with the congregation, but I find myself struggling to do so because of the fear I will “perform” instead of worship. I tend to let my actions in worship speak for themselves and serve as an example, rather than making some sort of eye contact, or the employment of exhortation in word or deed. For me, it’s more about posture than pros when on the platform. Yet I sense I may be missing something by not engaging in a demonstrative way with the congregation, and that the Father wants to do something in me as I reach out.

In that Psalm, it says my Father knows every intimate detail about me including my thoughts and words even before they are spoken. Nothing is hidden from Him. There is no place in which I can hide from Him. David asks the question, “Where can I flee from your presence?” My first thought is why would anyone want to do that? Yet I know. All of us have had seasons of withdrawal when darkness invaded our souls. David declares that “surely the darkness will hide me” and then in his moment of surrender realizes that darkness is no match for God.

The Father knew us as seed and egg, and in love and adoration knit us together – wonderfully made. My praise is a response to that, as the psalmist says in v.14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” That amazes me and gives me pause. Selah.

He knew me from my mother’s womb and knows me today, yet the Psalmist still cries out, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” I’m challenged that even my anxiety can be an offense to Him, and contrary to “the way everlasting.” Before I strike a beat or sing a word of praise, my thoughts and motives are known to Him, so again I pray, search me. I often search myself but my filters can get clogged with earth; mine, yours, ours, or others. He has no filter as He pours out His love. Verse 5 says, “you have laid your hand upon me.” He does this in a way that softens this clay and cleanses, and smoothes, and soothes.

When he sees me, it’s with hues of red – the red of His blood that flows and shows the way everlasting. I’m encouraged that when I approach His throne of grace, He is there; when I lay down at night, He is there; when I rise in the morning, He is there; when I retreat to planet self, He is there; when I stand naked and vulnerable in the secret place, He is there; when I am anxious He is there; When I lay my hand to the drum, He is there; when I press my lips to the harp, He is there; when I open my mouth, he knows what is coming out, and He is there to receive and redeem.

David sings of the precious thoughts of the Lord, and “how vast the sum of them.” I am also challenged by the revelation of this Psalm that the bigness of God cannot and will not compromise His intimacy with us. In fact, it is often our smallness that tempers our intimacy with Him; when HE is there, sometimes we are not.

Search my heart Oh God, and shine your light on the cobwebs of my soul. Where there is neglect bring restoration. Where there is earth, wash me with your Spirit. Where there is timidity, bring your power, your love, and your soundness. Where there is anxiety, bring your peace. Bring these things that I may stand in the assembly of your Praise and offer selflessly back to you all that you have given me, and encourage others to follow the way everlasting. You change not and that is amazing. You change me and that too is amazing.

Search Me
Tim Michael/Barry Garrett - 2/23/2007

Search me Lord and know my heart,
Let nothing there keep us apart.
You’re all I need
In troubled times or joyful days,
test me Lord Jesus and know my ways.
I want to be known by you.

When I feel alone and all out of place,
When I am afraid, I run to You.

Search me.
Know me.
Heal me.
Love me back to You – Jesus.

In your secret place
I will rest in your unending grace
I will rest in you…Jesus
I am resting.

I want to be known by You.
I want to be known by You.
You’re all I need.

Search me Lord and know my heart,
Let nothing there keep us apart – You’re all I need.

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